Wake Up, Beaux

Cycling is quite intimidating. Upon gathering gear for my new road bike at various local Austin bike shops I realized the newness of it all - surrounding me were cyclists who had been out there for years, who were building their own bikes and swapping info on the latest and greatest gear. Their network is large yet small, everyone seems to know everyone. I felt insignificant, but far from deflated :).

I met Beaux on the Jack and Adams ride back in October 2008 -- my first group ride. It was early Sunday morning and I was nervous as heck. In efforts to calm myself I went to McDonald's and got coffee and a sausage & cheese biscuit sandwich. This is what I knew, and it was damn good. What would the others say to my shameful habit? I was not sure so I ate it in private.

Riders started showing up and getting themselves ready, I did the same. Aimee introduced me to Beaux, the leader of the ride. He terrified me. Shaved, pierced, tattooed...this guy was hardcore in every sense of the word. I meekly said hello and retreated quietly. He must have thought I was extremely shy or a total snob.

Then I broke the ice, the way I usually do....clumsily and painfully. I suffered a zero mph crash before the ride started. I was clipped in and decided to 'practice' by doing a round in the parking lot. Unfortunately for me, I tipped over with a loud crash. When I got my bearings I yelled 'FIRST TIME IN CLIPS!' People chuckled. Beaux ran over to me....how embarrassing! Now this guy is peeling me off the pavement. But then again....falling results in many attractive men running to my side, so maybe it was not such a bad thing :).

I then realized I was father along than I realized in my path to being a true cyclist. While being asked...are you ok? are you ok? I replied back, yes, but is my BIKE ok?

My bike was not ok, my seat and handlebars were out of alignment. Beaux set them right. I thanked him profusely and the ride started. Considering he could have blown me out of the water, he was extremely welcoming to my newness. He always circled back to check on me and gave me words of encouragement. It really stuck.

I loved the ride and vowed to go on many others. It kicked my butt (literally!) and I was ready for more. After my fall, the truth was, I was not ok. My shoulder throbbed that entire week and I had bruised my ass pretty badly, but I didn't care. Nothing the RICE method could not fix. Besides, the very next weekend was the LS Challenge and come hell or high water I was riding.

I did end up riding, and it was exhausting and thrilling and exhilarating.

Months later after meeting Beaux (that one and only time) I got word of his accident. My friend Aimee knows him, so she emailed me the news. It was a shock that stuck with me. I accompanied her to Brackenridge ICU so she could see him and offer words of encouragement to his family. I ended up going in with her and meeting his mom.

The experience was moving.

The past months I have really embraced my nurturing side. I have held sick cats in my arms and nursed them back to health. I have offered kind words to those going through cancer. I have not been embarrassed or afraid to empathize with others, be it loss, illness, financial woes....and to put myself there with them and hold their hands and show them that brighter road.

I was not like this before, I lacked the confidence to ever say the right thing. Now I am different. I don't know what changed. Perhaps losing my grandfather and experiencing death first hand? Maybe having to make the call to put my cat Charlie down? Visiting my own cousin in the ICU, not know what to say to someone in a coma, let alone say it in GREEK? It could be my time at the LAF, being surrounded by cancer in a sometimes triumphant and sometimes ugly way. Not really sure. But it doesn't matter.

What I know now is that I have this new strength, an ability to say kind words and hold someones hand. I do not fear it. Regardless of how well I know someone it is something I can share without embarrassment.

So here is to Beaux...wake up. We are all waiting, those who know every detail of you and those who don't. Regardless, we all want the same for you; WAKE UP.